


Yoru ni Kakeru

by kaytmrn



Category: JO1 (Japan Band), Produce 101 (Japan TV)
Genre: Depression, Inspired by song by Yoasobi, Love at First Sight, M/M, No Beta, Rukisei, Song: Yoru ni Kakeru, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:42:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26495830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaytmrn/pseuds/kaytmrn
Summary: It was a love at first sight for Ruki. He loves Shosei, but Shosei is obsessed with death.
Relationships: Ohira Shosei/Shiroiwa Ruki
Kudos: 8





	Yoru ni Kakeru

**Author's Note:**

> TW / CW: suicide

I secured the locks on my guitar case, ready to leave the building. I didn’t make that much money from today’s performance, but at least I had enough to pay my rent that month. To save up my money, I chose to go home by foot – I’ve gotten used to it anyway.

I took my smartphone out to look at the time, but one message popped up distracting me.

 _“Goodbye,”_ the message read. It was from none other than _him._

One second later I started running. At that moment I regret not taking the taxi. I was just hoping he would wait for me. Sweat was pouring down from my body as I kept running. I ran up the stairs of my apartment and finally I reached the rooftop.

There he was, the love of my life. He was just standing there with his empty eyes. He looked so fragile, so delicate, I think the wind could sweep him away.

“Shosei, step away. Let’s talk about this,” I extended my arms and turned him around to face me.

At that point, I wasn’t scared or sad – I was just mad. It didn’t surprise me anymore for we had done this so many times. It wasn’t the first time he tried to jump and commit suicide.

I first saw him a year ago, just when I moved to this very apartment. It was a gamble to tell my parents that I wanted to be a suffering artist. They were disappointed – they wanted me to go to college instead, but I had made up my mind and there was nothing they could say to change it. So there I was. Moving to Tokyo with only a little amount of cash and a guitar strapped to my back. Shosei’s was the first face that greeted me in that apartment building. He wasn’t smiling, but he stole my heart with his lovely facial features, slanted eyes, silky smooth hair, and full lips. He moved and spoke so delicately, which made me want to protect him – it was love at first sight.

Little did I know, I fell in love with someone who was obsessed with death.

“Follow me,” he said on that very first day. He guided me to the rooftop. His feet were moving slowly, getting closer and closer to the edge. He was trying to jump, just like what happened now. I saved him, and he hated me for it.

After that night, we talked about many things. His eyes were always clouded with tears and it hurt me to see it. I offered my little finger and made him promise that we would take care of each other. We became friends and soon after we became more than that.

It was nice to have his company when I was living alone. The first days of finally moving and live by myself after 23 years, were harder than I thought. I was lonely but he always opened his door for me. I would find myself coming to his room every night and he would lend me his warmth. But, even though his arms were wrapped around me, his gaze was always focused at so many things but me. I knew he was thinking about doing it again.

“Ruki-kun,” he spoke softly while laying his head on my chest one night, “Why won’t you let me do it?”

I answered him honestly, “Because I can’t lose you. You’re the only one that I have.”

I ran my hands through his soft blonde hair, “That wasn’t a good enough answer, huh?”

He did not have to speak, I already knew the answer was yes. I wish I could see what he saw; why dying was so tempting for him.

I got up and positioned myself on top of him, looking deep at his eyes, even though he wasn’t looking at me back.

“Why?” I asked him back, “Why do you want to die so badly?”

I just wanted to understand him.

He shook his head, “One day. One day you’ll see, Ruki-kun.”

I still didn’t get the answer I wanted.

“I love you,” was the only thing left I could say.

“I love you too,” he replied but with no emotion in his tone.

I love him, but he loved death more.

It was not until the fourth time, I began to doubt. Every time he tried, he always called me beforehand. He would wait until I was there with him.

Perhaps, he didn’t really want to die? Maybe he just wanted me to be there, to stop him and save him, and afterwards we would talk again, repeating the never-ending circle. I began to write my own theory in my head, trying to solve this puzzle.

~~~

“Shosei, wait,” I said once I saw his back, his feet were inches away from the edge, his face was cold and empty as always.

I ran and frantically grabbed his hand which was cold as ice.

“I want to die. Let go.”

“No, I can’t,” I refused his request once more.

Even though he resisted, it was easy for me to pull him back for he was very light. Putting my arms around him and sighed as my tears began to fall. It was always like that.

“He’s waiting for me,” He said to me.

“Who?”

“Him. The Grim Reaper.”

 _So that was it, The Grim Reaper._ The thing that he could see but I couldn’t. I wished he could see me like the way he saw it. It was the look of adoration, longing, and desperation all at once. I hated that face of his when he did that. Felt so stupid to be jealous of the non-existing creature, but it was exactly what happened.

“Look at me Shosei, don’t look at him.”

But he didn’t listen. Like always. So I tried to forcefully take his hand but he pushed mine away and drifted his eyes to the distance, leaving me down on my knees,

“I’m tired of this. I don’t want this anymore.”

I was too. I was so tired and everything had become too much. My mind said I couldn’t do it anymore. Actually, I wanted to say that too.

“I’m tired,” he said.

 _Me too,_ my heart was crying.

“Let me end it all.”

“Fuck, Shosei. Then I want to end it too! I can’t do this any longer!” The words flew right out of my mouth.

A pause, as my voice echoed and faded away.

All that frustration and desperation, everything I had been unknowingly keeping in the back of my head, was finally free.

Then, he smiled.

For the first time, I could see Ohira Shosei smile. _God, he’s so beautiful._ He grabbed my face with his pretty delicate fingers, moving it closer to his until I could feel his breathing. The way he seduced me with his tenderness, his eyes which were now full of love and passion, I could see myself from the reflection. He was happy, and so was I.

At that moment, he was the one who pulled me into him. It felt like sinking, melting, but in a comforting way. I cried to the crook of his neck, but this time, it was happy tears.

“You can see it now, Ruki-kun?”

I nodded, “Yes. I understand now.”

“Let’s be together forever.”

The reason why he called me every time he tried to commit suicide, it wasn’t because he wanted me to help him – he wanted to bring me along.

He was my Grim Reaper.

“Well then, let’s go,” I took Shosei’s hand and not planning to let it go. He was only asking for my hand but I ended up giving my whole body to him.

Stepping up to the edge of the rooftop together, I never felt so excited in my life. He knew my heart was beating very fast so he would look at me with his gentle gaze, as if telling me that everything was going to be okay. His warmth mixed with the cold breeze flowing through the atmosphere, I was ready. I felt like I could fly with him now.

The vast dark sky was watching both of us, me and him, racing into the night.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is heavily inspired by YOASOBI's song: Yoru ni Kakeru (Racing Into The Night), and of course the story that inspires the song itself: The Temptation of Thanatos.


End file.
